Planting a trojan or virus on your machine is against the law, and people ARE prosecuted during divorces if you can prove it. It's a violation of Federal law, so your state will not matter.
Same goes with the email ... "guessing" the password is still hacking the account, I would hope guessing the security questions would be, too. IMO the judge should not have allowed it. Guessing is not the same as actually having the password ... and even if she has the password, the INTENT by which you give it to someone is supposed to matter.
For example, if I give you my password so you can log in and fix something for me, it doesn't give you a life-long blank check to access my system whenever you want.
I think you got screwed by the judge.