Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Discussions on technology and its application and implications in divorce

Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Sat Apr 15, 2017 4:28 pm

Many of the forum vets champion the deletion of social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and whatever the latest may be. Their wisdom is collected here as a primer.

The Cost-Benefit Analysis

BartSimpson wrote:I saw a figure recently about how much Facebook is involved in divorces these days. I want to say it was something like 30% of divorces are based on Facebook claims, and there is a much higher rate if introducing Facebook Posts as evidence.

And it is very poor evidence.

So here's the deal - if you were charged $87.50 for each Facebook post you made, would you pay it? Because that is what your lawyer will charge, at $350/hr, to read and review that post for discovery purposes and trial prep.

Do you understand that? When you get to the Discovery Phase of your divorce, the mother can require every freaking thing you have written on Facebook. Your attorney has to review that material before the submission and later again during trial prep.

There is something called authentification - you have to prove that a post is actually the mothers, that means you can demand all the mother's posts in your discovery and submit specific posts from what she affirms is hers.

Try using a Cost-Benefit Analysis - take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center. On one side put "Benefit to Facebook", on the other put "Costs of using Facebook", then make a list of what comes to mind. Give this a serious try, and please handwrite this list - there is a very important connection to handwriting and your brain that I want you to use, it's really important you handwrite your lists. Think of global items and specifics - Staying in touch with friends might be one benefit, Wasting time better spent on child might be a cost.

When you get 4 or 5 items, assign some time weighted value to the benefit or cost. By this I mean "long-term" and "short-term". Let's say a benefit is staying in touch - is that long-term or short-term.


Waste of Time

Havalu7 wrote:Spend the time you normally would wasting away on Fakebook working on your case, reading the threads here and spending time with your kids.


Why can't I just unfriend my STBX so she can't see my Facebook?

Phoenix853 wrote:If your STBX can't access your Facebook she might try and employ someone who can. By keeping it up and observable by anyone keep the drama going between you and your Ex. Doesn't matter what you post, it will be looked at as offensive by your Ex and keep you in the drama loop.


Fatheroffour wrote:Facebook is a window into your life. Why give your enemies a window into your life if its not necessary?


BartSimpson wrote:Facebook is a giant role-playing gossip game in which women excel and enjoy. You are not seeing what other's are doing, you are seeing the spin they put on their activities. There are secondary elements of information available, such as your "friends" that become sources of information about you. The Facebook phenomenon is called "looking at the facts through a keyhole" - a tiny fragment of information in a post, or a photo, becomes the basis for a construct of an entire scenario by the person peeking through the keyhole. You cannot block someone effectively if they want access, so don't think that's a solution. Disable your account, see if you can live without it, then please consider just deleting it - you will never regret it.


If your STBX is categorized as borderline personality disorder (BPD):

BartSimpson wrote:Two Degrees of Separation; be polite, but do not have contact with anyone who has contact with the mother (except your kid, obviously). It should include those parents at the school, as well as businesses - the banker, the butcher, the baker, the friendly clerk in the store. If they talk to the mother, you don't talk to them. The purpose of this is to stop any back-channel communications, no matter how innocent.

These measures are serious, because you are being watched. The mother is looking for any source of entanglement, and if she is truly BPD, has a polarizing impact on all parties. Anything that you do/write/post or communicate is viewed through the filter of being a message to her. She is actively spying on you - looking at the facts through the keyhole - and will alter the situation to fit her pre-determined idea of your motives. You need to block the keyhole, not let her see or know anything, because she will interpret it and report it against you.

*If* the mother is BPD. We have legions of men who come here claiming to have BPD wives, and the truth is that their wives simply hate them - nothing more than that.


But, but, but Facebook is pivotal to my trial strategy!

BartSimpson wrote:Your Judge has spent every working day for at least the last 30 years in a Courtroom, either as a Judge or an Attorney. The millennials' worship of Facebook as "public" is really silly from the mature perspective of the bench. You think that marching into the Court with derogatory Facebook posts is important, but the Judge knows everyone lies in Court and on Facebook and just sees white noise. Facebook posts causing problems? The Judge will see deleting your account as mature.


What about my cupcake?

BartSimpson wrote: It is essential that you become a ghost on the internet going forward - you cannot post anything without the mother seeing it, and it is likely that your Cupcake is also monitored by the mother regularly. The issue that social media presents is that it is like looking at a room through the keyhole, and the mother is filling in what she doesn't see with her imagination.


Plan Accordingly

  • Facebook: Account disabling is self-service. Deleting accounts require a 14-day process (it is not easy, so get started).
  • Twitter: Account disabling is self-service. Accounts are automatically deleted 30 days after you disable them.
  • Imgur: Account deletion is self-service and accounts are deleted immediately.
  • Reddit: Account deletion is self-service and accounts are deleted immediately.
  • Google+: Account deletion is self-service and immediate. Deleting your Google+ profile will not affect certain other Google products, like Search, Gmail, and your Google Account.
Last edited by HaltAndCatchFire on Mon Apr 17, 2017 5:56 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Sat Apr 15, 2017 6:46 pm

Great post.

I vote for sticky
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sat Apr 15, 2017 9:59 pm

BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder.
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Sun Apr 16, 2017 1:45 pm

Fixed.

I accepted your challenge of GenX not stepping up to create useful reference guides. Looking to make a difference here.
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:15 pm

Nice job.
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby nr552 » Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:25 pm

I used facebook as a tool against my ex...

Early in the divorce she was looking for love in all the wrong places (plus she was sleeping with a guy on/off that caused my to file for the big D). I had a few "online friends" friend request her (and no formal connection with them on my FB account, only on my "secondary account" to cover my < hindquarters >.) Worked like a charm... got all the dirt on her (since my real FB account was blocked). I went to great lengths to prevent any "friend of a friend" see my information, and NO public posts whatsoever.

3 year later I had evidence of cohabitation, when, where, the new truck, etc.

It was pivotal and quiet damning in her defense to keep spousal support. I've been SS payment free for nearly 4 years now. :)
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Apr 24, 2017 5:23 pm

^^^Lesson, it provides ammunition to your enemies.
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby blondeguy38 » Wed Apr 26, 2017 12:52 pm

What can all be accessed on Facebook by the wife's attorney? just posts, locations, and pictures? Thanks.
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed Apr 26, 2017 12:57 pm

Everything.
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Re: Social Media [Collected Wisdom]

Unread postby nr552 » Thu Apr 27, 2017 2:23 pm

blondeguy38 wrote:What can all be accessed on Facebook by the wife's attorney? just posts, locations, and pictures? Thanks.



Setup a "joe smith" FB account, and look for your real one. That'll show you what the "public" can see. Additionally if you have anything that is set "friend of friends" beware-- you share something with one person, they can share it with one of their friends-- who MIGHT be a friend of the person you don't want seeing your page.

As with everything--- once it's on the net, it will always be on the net.
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